Thursday, March 18, 2010

reply to anonymous comment

I would just like to reply to the "anonymous" person who tried to post a comment on Jess' and my blog...If you don't like how our family is, either deal with how things are or don't look at this page. It's not meant to be seen by you or any other people who are just going to try to put neagativity and resentment into our lives. We, and the boys, are very happy and content with life as it is. They have not been harmed or affected in any negative way from our side of the situation. All four of us continue to lead very happy and eventful lives. We know who you are thanks to the wonderful process of elimination and intuitive thinking. Don't forget, everything can be traced on the internet by law enforcement from any state in the US, and we will file harassment charges if this continues.

Now, on to people who we actually care about their opinions of our lives...We got to see our new baby girl again today on an ultrasound. I think she's going to look like her mom...which means trouble for me as a dad. Also, we got her a new Hawkeye's outfit (thank God it's not Cyclones.. ;-) ...) The ultrasound tech said that she's 1 lb 13oz and about 8in long. She's growing and developing perfectly.

Also, Jess and I are starting to come up with wedding ideas. It's a little soon, but we're too excited to wait.

Anyway, just wanted to start learning how to post on here since I follow it too. I'm sure Jess will update again soon also.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Scared.

Many people wonder what their breaking point is. A few think they've reached it. I am pretty sure I've body slammed mine a few times. I'm stressed. Plain and simple. Last year was a whirlwind. This year will be one too. So will next year.

I've reached the point to where my panic attacks are coming back... Two in the last month. I was doing good for awhile, I found my peace and didn't have any. At all. Nothing could break me.

Maybe it is the stage of pregnancy I'm at. I can't get comfortable, I go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, it is hard to breathe, my feet swell up if I'm on them for an hour.

Work. That's all I'm saying.

Maybe it is the impending custody battle. I wake up with dreams that the boys' dad has fabricated lists to try to get custody away from me. Dreams where he refuses to let me bring them home. Where I can't see them. Talk to them.

I've kind of taken a slight hiatus in wedding planning... I haven't stopped, I'm just taking a break. The wedding is also producing dreams. Guests don't show up. Cake delievered still in the pans. We can't find the church. I'm scared that I'm to unorganized to pull a wedding off.

In 2009 I left everything I knew, my home, my husband, my stuff... Took the kids and moved back in with my parents in hopes and in search of a new life. A happy life. A life where I'm not scared. Not afraid to go home. Not afraid to be me. I filed for divorce. I met someone, fell head over heels in love, we moved in together, and we found out that we are pregnant.

In 2010... 3 months into this year... Curt proposed, we found out we are having a baby girl & we are preparing for a custody battle that we will win. My boys will be with me. All of the time. No more having to live without them a week at a time. This year will bring a new life into ours... A new career change possibly... A new life for us all.

2011 will bring a wedding and all that entails.

I need a vacation. A nap. Time to fill out a really big calender and planner.

I'm scared that I'm nearing my breaking point. I'm scared of the panic attacks. I'm scared that no matter how many times I tell myself that it will be okay, nothing will go right.

I'm scared.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Instructed...

I've been a little lacking on posts lately... I apologize... I'd love to say it is because I'm so busy... But although we've been on the go alot lately, I just get lazy. And tired. I sleep a lot. I can fall back asleep about an hour after I wake up. I slept until almost noon twice this week. L.A.Z.Y. I love being pregnant, but wow, she is wiping all of my energy out.

We are slowly getting everything for her arrival... But I'm not feeling rushed on anything yet so I'll probably wait until the last minute for the majority!!

The past month or so Curt undertook a new project in the basement & decided to do some remodeling. We now have a bar... Air hockey table... Recliner that I will never ever give away because it is so amazingly comfortable!

The boys are doing great and growing like weeds... Hunter is nearing the end of his first year at school & he loved it. He has learned so much! Ian is getting so big, I can't believe he will be 3 this year! He has really opened up and talks all the time, not that he was ever quiet before!

We are enjoying watching the snow melt & getting so anxious to get outside! I'm ready to go out on the boat!! And just get some fresh air and feel some warmth! It was a cold winter!!!!!

Hope everyone is doing well and hopefully I will remember to update this more!!