There is a person in my life that wont go away. No matter what I do, they will not disappear. This person has more than one previous link to us... This person is not required to be in our lives by any sort of law. Or desire on my part. I've wished that this person would just up and move to a foreign country. It fits. This person doesn't take hints. This person is poison to my soul. To my heart. To my relatonship and overall life. Other people don't seem to understand this. I wish I could say everything on here. I need to. I want to. But I can't. I'm trapped in my own thoughts and I feel like I'm drowning.
On another depressing note.
I thought not seeing Drake's footprints in the snow would help. Make me feel better. Then the temperatures rose this week. Up into th 40s. And the snow melted. And now his footprints are gone forever. It is heartbreaking.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Drake
I miss you Drakey.
Thank you for being so good to my kiddos. And me.
You were so sick when I met you. I'm glad we got to spend 2 years together.
I hope you feel better.
I hope you weren't scared.
Daddy misses you so much. He hurts so much.
So do I.
Buddy is sad. He laid in his kennel last night and didn't whine or bark at all.
We both know Buddy being quiet never happens.
I'd give anything to hear you barking at the people walking by.
I miss you so much sweetie.
Love, Momma
Thank you for being so good to my kiddos. And me.
You were so sick when I met you. I'm glad we got to spend 2 years together.
I hope you feel better.
I hope you weren't scared.
Daddy misses you so much. He hurts so much.
So do I.
Buddy is sad. He laid in his kennel last night and didn't whine or bark at all.
We both know Buddy being quiet never happens.
I'd give anything to hear you barking at the people walking by.
I miss you so much sweetie.
Love, Momma
Friday, December 24, 2010
Happy
After 10 hours on scene the firefighter was finally able to come home... At 3:30am. They had him on fire watch and he was supposed to stay until 7 but they released him early (Thankful for that, I was going to go crazy!)
I did get to go up and see him for a little while, it made it just a little bit easier.
Today we had Christmas with Curts family then mine tonight... Tomorrow the boys go to their dad's house and we get to start going through and un-packaging everything.
Too much fun today :)
I did get to go up and see him for a little while, it made it just a little bit easier.
Today we had Christmas with Curts family then mine tonight... Tomorrow the boys go to their dad's house and we get to start going through and un-packaging everything.
Too much fun today :)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Waiting
Curt got called in for a house fire
He has been on scene for about an hour and a half now
I'm not good at this
Luckily his parents, brother and brother's fiance are here
We were supposed to be putting bunk beds together... Chris and Dale are doing it
I'm so glad they are here
It is taking everything I've got not to turn on the scanner
He has been on scene for about an hour and a half now
I'm not good at this
Luckily his parents, brother and brother's fiance are here
We were supposed to be putting bunk beds together... Chris and Dale are doing it
I'm so glad they are here
It is taking everything I've got not to turn on the scanner
I don't have a good title for this post. So I deem it "Updates"
Emily found out she can scream. Or screech. Whatever it is, it makes your ears bleed. This kid has some lungs.
I can't believe she is only a few days shy of being 6 months old... My little baby is growing too fast!
I'm so excited that Curt gets to be home Christmas day this year! He worked it last year, and when his crew changed this year he is scheduled to work it again. But, by the grace of God and some awesome crew members, they decided he should be the one to take the day off since he has a new family.
I don't think those guys realize how big that is for me.
Last year, Christmas wasn't the greatest. Curt worked at the fire department. The boys spent Christmas day and the week after with their dad... It was the first time in 3 months they hadn't been with me and the first Christmas I didn't get to spend with Hunter and Ian. The weather was crappy so I couldn't go to Curt's parents or my family's house. I had a hard time driving across town to the station. I spent Christmas 4 months pregnant and all alone.
NOT THIS YEAR!!!
I'm so excited!
Everything else is going okay...
Emily is getting over bronchitis so we don't sleep much... I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep (I'm crabby lately).
The boys are doing great... I'm so happy I can be home with them. They have been trying to test limits lately and see how far they can push me now that I'm here. It is an adjustment.
Curt came home the other day thinking he had pink eye... Turns out he has ulcers again. One wasn't too bad, it healed in a couple days. The other one is on the edge of his cornea and bigger so its taking longer to heal. It has been a struggle. He hates wearing his glasses. (But he is so dang cute in them!) I had to drive him down to Des Moines so we could get him new glasses that day. I ended up getting new ones too and have been trying to wear them more than my contacts, at least until his eyes get better. Hopefully Lasik will be on the agenda for 2011.
Emily is staring at the computer like she is reading it and will start screaming like I typed something wrong. Love her.
Off to try to lure her to dreamyland.
I can't believe she is only a few days shy of being 6 months old... My little baby is growing too fast!
I'm so excited that Curt gets to be home Christmas day this year! He worked it last year, and when his crew changed this year he is scheduled to work it again. But, by the grace of God and some awesome crew members, they decided he should be the one to take the day off since he has a new family.
I don't think those guys realize how big that is for me.
Last year, Christmas wasn't the greatest. Curt worked at the fire department. The boys spent Christmas day and the week after with their dad... It was the first time in 3 months they hadn't been with me and the first Christmas I didn't get to spend with Hunter and Ian. The weather was crappy so I couldn't go to Curt's parents or my family's house. I had a hard time driving across town to the station. I spent Christmas 4 months pregnant and all alone.
NOT THIS YEAR!!!
I'm so excited!
Everything else is going okay...
Emily is getting over bronchitis so we don't sleep much... I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep (I'm crabby lately).
The boys are doing great... I'm so happy I can be home with them. They have been trying to test limits lately and see how far they can push me now that I'm here. It is an adjustment.
Curt came home the other day thinking he had pink eye... Turns out he has ulcers again. One wasn't too bad, it healed in a couple days. The other one is on the edge of his cornea and bigger so its taking longer to heal. It has been a struggle. He hates wearing his glasses. (But he is so dang cute in them!) I had to drive him down to Des Moines so we could get him new glasses that day. I ended up getting new ones too and have been trying to wear them more than my contacts, at least until his eyes get better. Hopefully Lasik will be on the agenda for 2011.
Emily is staring at the computer like she is reading it and will start screaming like I typed something wrong. Love her.
Off to try to lure her to dreamyland.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
And we are up...
I'm not a morning person. Or a wake up in the middle of the night person.
Curts at work, and sick, and should be home in about an hour. I feel bad for him, I don't feel well either, but I got to sit in my jammies all day and cuddle with our screaming daughter. She has a cold... Horribly icky nose, itchy goopy eyes, a cough that makes me hurt too, can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time and her cry... Miserable & pitiful. I hope she feels better soon.
Curt, however, has been running non stop medicals since this afternoon, hopefully he got a few hours of sleep.
I'd like about 12 hours of straight sleep.
Curts at work, and sick, and should be home in about an hour. I feel bad for him, I don't feel well either, but I got to sit in my jammies all day and cuddle with our screaming daughter. She has a cold... Horribly icky nose, itchy goopy eyes, a cough that makes me hurt too, can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time and her cry... Miserable & pitiful. I hope she feels better soon.
Curt, however, has been running non stop medicals since this afternoon, hopefully he got a few hours of sleep.
I'd like about 12 hours of straight sleep.
Friday, December 10, 2010
More kiddo pictures
Curts at work... Boys are gone for the week... Emmy isn't feeling... I'd like a nap... Here are some pictures... Again.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Day 30-a picture
There is nothing special about this picture
I took it one day because I liked the contrast
Just makes me happy :)
I took it one day because I liked the contrast
Just makes me happy :)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day 29-3 Wishes
I wish...
1- That I can stay home for my children for many years to come
2- That my family and myself have healthy lives and get to spend forever together
3- That I could be a more patient person.
1- That I can stay home for my children for many years to come
2- That my family and myself have healthy lives and get to spend forever together
3- That I could be a more patient person.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
This one is tough. I struggle with it.
Work used to stress me out. It still does from time to time, but not nearly as much as my old job used to. I used to thrive on adrenaline. Loved it. Craved it.
I love not having it.
I think right now, the thing that stresses me out the most, is not being a better wife.
I have such a hard time while Curt is at work.
I struggle.
I have to fight to get through the day.
Every issue I could possibly have surfaces at 7 am on a shift day. It all disappears at 7 am the next day.
I need to find a balance. A happy medium.
Between spending every second with him for 48 hours.
Then not seeing him at all for 24.
I worry. I don't listen to the scanner anymore.
I just pretend that they don't get any calls. Ever.
Hey. It's what I have to do right now.
Work used to stress me out. It still does from time to time, but not nearly as much as my old job used to. I used to thrive on adrenaline. Loved it. Craved it.
I love not having it.
I think right now, the thing that stresses me out the most, is not being a better wife.
I have such a hard time while Curt is at work.
I struggle.
I have to fight to get through the day.
Every issue I could possibly have surfaces at 7 am on a shift day. It all disappears at 7 am the next day.
I need to find a balance. A happy medium.
Between spending every second with him for 48 hours.
Then not seeing him at all for 24.
I worry. I don't listen to the scanner anymore.
I just pretend that they don't get any calls. Ever.
Hey. It's what I have to do right now.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day 26 and Day 27
Day 26-Picture of your family and Day 27-Pets
My Family...
My puppies...
Meet Drake
And Buddy
My Family...
My puppies...
Meet Drake
And Buddy
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
I love this one... I love music!
1 - Suds in the Bucket by Sara Evans
2 - Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback
3 - Familiar Taste of Poison - Halestorm
4 - Not Meant to Be by Theory of a Deadman (LOVE Theory!)
5 - Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf (I have a VERY nice video of my sisters, my aunt, my DJ and I singing this at my wedding... My DJ ROCKED it!)
6 - Hysteria - Def Leppard
7 - Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin
8 - Dracula's Lament - Jason Segel (From the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall - YOU TUBE AND WATCH IT. HILARIOUS.)
9 - Fancy - Reba McEntire (Love this song... Makes me laugh when Curt plays it though)
10 - Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick
I could go on for hours......
1 - Suds in the Bucket by Sara Evans
2 - Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback
3 - Familiar Taste of Poison - Halestorm
4 - Not Meant to Be by Theory of a Deadman (LOVE Theory!)
5 - Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf (I have a VERY nice video of my sisters, my aunt, my DJ and I singing this at my wedding... My DJ ROCKED it!)
6 - Hysteria - Def Leppard
7 - Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin
8 - Dracula's Lament - Jason Segel (From the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall - YOU TUBE AND WATCH IT. HILARIOUS.)
9 - Fancy - Reba McEntire (Love this song... Makes me laugh when Curt plays it though)
10 - Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick
I could go on for hours......
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Day 24... Something I've learned
Sorry for the absence...
It was my birthday so I took some time off to celebrate my birthday week =)
Back at it!!
Day 24... Something I've learned...
Hm.
I've learned...
-No matter what I do, what kind of crazy mess I get myself into, I've got the most amazing family that is willing to drop EVERYTHING to help me.
-No matter how much I try, even when ALL the kids are gone... Laundry never ends.
-Curt will ALWAYS have more shoes than I will.
-That it is true... Whenever my firefighter is at work, something will always break, quit working, flood, back up, not fit or whatever other type of wrongness you can imagine. I've gotten good at the flood thing!
-That everyone has a past. It may not be one you are particularly fond of, but that past made the person who they are.
-Being a stay at home mom is the best job I'll ever have. I get paid in sticky hugs, slobbery kisses and dirty diapers. I wish I would have done it a long time ago.
I've learned a lot more. But the baby is asleep and there are 3 baskets of laundry glaring at me. Off I go to swim the sea of socks.
=)!
It was my birthday so I took some time off to celebrate my birthday week =)
Back at it!!
Day 24... Something I've learned...
Hm.
I've learned...
-No matter what I do, what kind of crazy mess I get myself into, I've got the most amazing family that is willing to drop EVERYTHING to help me.
-No matter how much I try, even when ALL the kids are gone... Laundry never ends.
-Curt will ALWAYS have more shoes than I will.
-That it is true... Whenever my firefighter is at work, something will always break, quit working, flood, back up, not fit or whatever other type of wrongness you can imagine. I've gotten good at the flood thing!
-That everyone has a past. It may not be one you are particularly fond of, but that past made the person who they are.
-Being a stay at home mom is the best job I'll ever have. I get paid in sticky hugs, slobbery kisses and dirty diapers. I wish I would have done it a long time ago.
I've learned a lot more. But the baby is asleep and there are 3 baskets of laundry glaring at me. Off I go to swim the sea of socks.
=)!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Hm...
This one I'm going to say Virginia when I was 15.
I went to visit my sisters with my parents for a week. Stayed for a month. I was considering moving out there but I don't think my sister wanted to enter parenthood with her 15 year old sister as a starter-baby. =)
I love Virginia... The beach... The sun... Jets overhead
I find a peace in Virginia. Unexplainable and I don't ever plan on ruining it by moving there. But I plan on visiting again in the future.
This one I'm going to say Virginia when I was 15.
I went to visit my sisters with my parents for a week. Stayed for a month. I was considering moving out there but I don't think my sister wanted to enter parenthood with her 15 year old sister as a starter-baby. =)
I love Virginia... The beach... The sun... Jets overhead
I find a peace in Virginia. Unexplainable and I don't ever plan on ruining it by moving there. But I plan on visiting again in the future.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Days 21 & 22!
Day 21-Picture of yourself
This...
Is me...
Having FUN!
Day 22-Favorite city
I may have to say Louisville Kentucky on this one...
There are a lot of different things there to see and do!!!
Plus my memory of there was with my sisters and those are always fun!!
This...
Is me...
Having FUN!
Day 22-Favorite city
I may have to say Louisville Kentucky on this one...
There are a lot of different things there to see and do!!!
Plus my memory of there was with my sisters and those are always fun!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
This is the game that never ends... Yes it goes on and on my friends...
Day 19-Something you miss
and
Day 20-Nicknames
What do I miss? My top two....
I miss my husband. I wish they would let the wives stay up at the fd some nights. I'm sure some of them love the fact that they get 24 hours away from their wives and kids... Its quiet, a break, no honey do lists. But dang it. I'm still a newlywed. And I made those boys brownies tonight. I think I should be able to snuggle in with my firefighter.
I miss my pre baby body. It feels so far away. I've lost a lot of weight since I had Emmy... But I'm going for gold. I want to be in great shape. And get rid of my tummy. And thunder thighs.
Nicknames...
Jess - I was always Jessica growing up. This one is still new to me... Jessi - Growing up, I didn't like being called Jessi. It still catches me off guard. But it happens... Mommy - Shouldn't need to explain this one!... Shithead - Courtesy of my husband. I am his Shithead. He is my Jerkwad... Jeckala - My dad still calls me that once in awhile... And Jennifer - I apparently look like a Jennifer... Someone that I know and have known for several years called me by a nickname so much they forgot my real name and called me Jennifer... On more than one occasion. sigh. Oh well.
and
Day 20-Nicknames
What do I miss? My top two....
I miss my husband. I wish they would let the wives stay up at the fd some nights. I'm sure some of them love the fact that they get 24 hours away from their wives and kids... Its quiet, a break, no honey do lists. But dang it. I'm still a newlywed. And I made those boys brownies tonight. I think I should be able to snuggle in with my firefighter.
I miss my pre baby body. It feels so far away. I've lost a lot of weight since I had Emmy... But I'm going for gold. I want to be in great shape. And get rid of my tummy. And thunder thighs.
Nicknames...
Jess - I was always Jessica growing up. This one is still new to me... Jessi - Growing up, I didn't like being called Jessi. It still catches me off guard. But it happens... Mommy - Shouldn't need to explain this one!... Shithead - Courtesy of my husband. I am his Shithead. He is my Jerkwad... Jeckala - My dad still calls me that once in awhile... And Jennifer - I apparently look like a Jennifer... Someone that I know and have known for several years called me by a nickname so much they forgot my real name and called me Jennifer... On more than one occasion. sigh. Oh well.
Friday, November 5, 2010
And onward we go with two more days...
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
----DAY 17----
Something I'm looking forward to...
BEING DONE PAINTING. =D
I love painting.
In the last week I've painted the living room, dining room, hallway, kitchen, stair walls and I'm working on the foyer.
I'm scared of heights. Painting requires a ladder in our house. Last night while I was up on the tower of death (the 2nd stair of the ladder. Yep.) and I decided that before I plunge the 3 feet to my death, or broken arm, that Hunter needed a test.
Smart one that boy is. He knew that if I fell, to come check on me, if I didn't answer or was hurt to call 911, he knew our address, my full name and to tell them who Curt was and where he is at (at the time the FD so he woulda known if there was a call!)
Now if we can just learn that pesky shoelace tying trick....
-----Day 18-Something you regret-----
I don't have regrets. Everything I've done has led me to where I am today.
I just wish I would have punched her when I had the chance =D
Now that isn't very nice... Heh.
Day 18-Something you regret
----DAY 17----
Something I'm looking forward to...
BEING DONE PAINTING. =D
I love painting.
In the last week I've painted the living room, dining room, hallway, kitchen, stair walls and I'm working on the foyer.
I'm scared of heights. Painting requires a ladder in our house. Last night while I was up on the tower of death (the 2nd stair of the ladder. Yep.) and I decided that before I plunge the 3 feet to my death, or broken arm, that Hunter needed a test.
Smart one that boy is. He knew that if I fell, to come check on me, if I didn't answer or was hurt to call 911, he knew our address, my full name and to tell them who Curt was and where he is at (at the time the FD so he woulda known if there was a call!)
Now if we can just learn that pesky shoelace tying trick....
-----Day 18-Something you regret-----
I don't have regrets. Everything I've done has led me to where I am today.
I just wish I would have punched her when I had the chance =D
Now that isn't very nice... Heh.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day 16 Dream house
In the country... Near town
4 bedrooms... A couple bathrooms... One with a whirlpool tub
Spacious but not huge...
A wrap around porch with a swing and a couple rocking chairs...
An attached 19 stall garage...
Or 3. Whichever.
Timber and a pond near by so we can watch the deer come and go and so we can watch geese and ducks come in...
A bay window in our bedroom with a bench seat so I can sit and read or just have mommy time and sit with 10 pillows and just relax...
A kitchen that is so amazing I get giddy thinking about it... It will be horribly expensive but painfully perfect... With granite counter tops, a central vacuum, a window overlooking the yard so I can watch the pond or the kids, whichever is out there...
Can you tell that we've been talking about building a house lately?
Often.
A lot lot lot.
4 bedrooms... A couple bathrooms... One with a whirlpool tub
Spacious but not huge...
A wrap around porch with a swing and a couple rocking chairs...
An attached 19 stall garage...
Or 3. Whichever.
Timber and a pond near by so we can watch the deer come and go and so we can watch geese and ducks come in...
A bay window in our bedroom with a bench seat so I can sit and read or just have mommy time and sit with 10 pillows and just relax...
A kitchen that is so amazing I get giddy thinking about it... It will be horribly expensive but painfully perfect... With granite counter tops, a central vacuum, a window overlooking the yard so I can watch the pond or the kids, whichever is out there...
Can you tell that we've been talking about building a house lately?
Often.
A lot lot lot.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A picture I love and a bible verse
Day 14-A picture you love and day 15-Bible verse
This picture makes me laugh. Hunter is so happy and loving and Ian looks like he wants to eat Hunter's face.
This one I love, it was part of our wedding vows
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongdoing. It does not delight in evil, But rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is nothing love cannot face; There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: Faith, hope, and love; But the greatest of them all is love
This picture makes me laugh. Hunter is so happy and loving and Ian looks like he wants to eat Hunter's face.
This one I love, it was part of our wedding vows
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongdoing. It does not delight in evil, But rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves. There is nothing love cannot face; There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: Faith, hope, and love; But the greatest of them all is love
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Back at it with 12 and 13
-Day 12-What you believe
This is a big questing for me right now. I'm trying to figure out what I believe on the Man upstairs subject...
But...
I believe in being a good wife. A faithful and devoted wife. A wife that supports her husband in everything he does... Even if that includes getting a *gulp* third boat. sigh. In his defense, one doesn't float and will be parked in our back yard, surrounded by sand to be used as a playground.
I believe in being a good mother. Teaching my children what I know, guiding them but letting them make their own mistakes, no matter how hard that is for me, or them. Not lying to my children. Making the best life I possibly can for them. Nurturing, helping them grow.
I believe in giving something my all.
I believe in letting people live their lives the way that makes THEM happy.
I believe in having a clean house, but not a squeaky white house. So what if there are dishes in the sink from yesterday. Take time for yourself once in ahwile. If someone doesn't like your dirty dishes, they can wash them or leave. It was their choice to come into your home.
-Day 13-Goals
+Build our forever home
+Raise amazing children that are happy and secure with themselves
+Paint every room in this house
+Plant a garden. And make it live
I've got a lot of goals. I'm just not sure I'm ready to announce them.
This is a big questing for me right now. I'm trying to figure out what I believe on the Man upstairs subject...
But...
I believe in being a good wife. A faithful and devoted wife. A wife that supports her husband in everything he does... Even if that includes getting a *gulp* third boat. sigh. In his defense, one doesn't float and will be parked in our back yard, surrounded by sand to be used as a playground.
I believe in being a good mother. Teaching my children what I know, guiding them but letting them make their own mistakes, no matter how hard that is for me, or them. Not lying to my children. Making the best life I possibly can for them. Nurturing, helping them grow.
I believe in giving something my all.
I believe in letting people live their lives the way that makes THEM happy.
I believe in having a clean house, but not a squeaky white house. So what if there are dishes in the sink from yesterday. Take time for yourself once in ahwile. If someone doesn't like your dirty dishes, they can wash them or leave. It was their choice to come into your home.
-Day 13-Goals
+Build our forever home
+Raise amazing children that are happy and secure with themselves
+Paint every room in this house
+Plant a garden. And make it live
I've got a lot of goals. I'm just not sure I'm ready to announce them.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Day 11
Day 11 -- Favorite tv shows
Hmm.
This has changed a lot in the past month. I used to CONSTANTLY watch Bridezillas, Say Yes to the Dress, My Fair Wedding etc trying to absorb E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. for the wedding.
Now that its over... I can't watch them. I'm done with them.
Now that its over and I'm off work?
Dora, Diego, Team UmiZoomi, Spongebob, Fanboy and ChumChum, Phineas and Ferb -- My kid time. The boys and I will watch some cartoons, veg and cuddle like crazy.
Sister Wives - I don't know why but I love this show
Teen Mom - Been there, done that, addicted to the show.. I love Bentley :)
Hell's Kitchen - Curt had never watched this, I dvr'd it and we watched it together one night, he is hooked now too
And that is just about it... I don't sit and watch tv, except for days like today. I'm tired. I'm alone. I'm lonely. I've got mini snickers, Emily and our lovely tv that is put back after we painted the night before last. Bye bye mint green!
Hmm.
This has changed a lot in the past month. I used to CONSTANTLY watch Bridezillas, Say Yes to the Dress, My Fair Wedding etc trying to absorb E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. for the wedding.
Now that its over... I can't watch them. I'm done with them.
Now that its over and I'm off work?
Dora, Diego, Team UmiZoomi, Spongebob, Fanboy and ChumChum, Phineas and Ferb -- My kid time. The boys and I will watch some cartoons, veg and cuddle like crazy.
Sister Wives - I don't know why but I love this show
Teen Mom - Been there, done that, addicted to the show.. I love Bentley :)
Hell's Kitchen - Curt had never watched this, I dvr'd it and we watched it together one night, he is hooked now too
And that is just about it... I don't sit and watch tv, except for days like today. I'm tired. I'm alone. I'm lonely. I've got mini snickers, Emily and our lovely tv that is put back after we painted the night before last. Bye bye mint green!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Days 9 & 10
I'm combining day 9-a picture of your friends and day 10-something you’re afraid of
I'm skipping number 9, just because I don't have any pictures of my friends except wedding pictures which, I haven't downloaded yet!
Something I'm afraid of...
Spiders, mice & all sorts of creepy crawling critters, not being there for my kids, something happening to my kids, something happening to Curt, being without my parents or sisters, drowning, tornados, fire (handy to have a fire fighter around), someone breaking into our house while I'm home alone with the kids, being in a car accident and breaking a bone.
I'm a scaredy cat quite possibly. My list is a lot longer than it was a few years ago. I've got a lot to live for now.
I'm skipping number 9, just because I don't have any pictures of my friends except wedding pictures which, I haven't downloaded yet!
Something I'm afraid of...
Spiders, mice & all sorts of creepy crawling critters, not being there for my kids, something happening to my kids, something happening to Curt, being without my parents or sisters, drowning, tornados, fire (handy to have a fire fighter around), someone breaking into our house while I'm home alone with the kids, being in a car accident and breaking a bone.
I'm a scaredy cat quite possibly. My list is a lot longer than it was a few years ago. I've got a lot to live for now.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
On the 8th day of challenge we have...
A place you’ve traveled to...
When I was little we ventured up to Michigan, saw the lakes with my Grandparents, spent a day in Canada (I was 5, I don't remember much but I've always wanted to go back!)
I've been to Colorado a couple times, Virginia a few times as well with jaunts to Washington D.C and down to North Carolina... I spent a week in Georgia. Minnesota to Missouri but I think one of my favorites so far was Kentucky!
A long weekend with my sisters was wonderful! We all lived in different states so it was fun to find the middle and meet!
The hotel people knew us by name by the end of the weekend
Don't you just love our matching necklaces? We all still have them!! =)
When I was little we ventured up to Michigan, saw the lakes with my Grandparents, spent a day in Canada (I was 5, I don't remember much but I've always wanted to go back!)
I've been to Colorado a couple times, Virginia a few times as well with jaunts to Washington D.C and down to North Carolina... I spent a week in Georgia. Minnesota to Missouri but I think one of my favorites so far was Kentucky!
A long weekend with my sisters was wonderful! We all lived in different states so it was fun to find the middle and meet!
The hotel people knew us by name by the end of the weekend
Don't you just love our matching necklaces? We all still have them!! =)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Day 7 of the challenge!!
Day 7-Favorite movies
The Little Mermaid by far...
Then there are the movies that remind me of growing up: Top Gun, Flight of the Navigator, Weird Science, U571, It's a Wonderful Life...
Defining movies: Steel Magnolias & Band of Brothers
Then the ones that make me laugh - The Hangover, Juno, Get Him to the Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Super Troopers
There are so many... The more I watch, the more I love!
The Little Mermaid by far...
Then there are the movies that remind me of growing up: Top Gun, Flight of the Navigator, Weird Science, U571, It's a Wonderful Life...
Defining movies: Steel Magnolias & Band of Brothers
Then the ones that make me laugh - The Hangover, Juno, Get Him to the Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Super Troopers
There are so many... The more I watch, the more I love!
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
This was taken shortly after the boys and I re-started our lives...
It was the happiest I'd seen them in such a long time... A trip to the zoo, a day that was all about them, no one fought, they fed giraffes, it was perfect.
It was the happiest I'd seen them in such a long time... A trip to the zoo, a day that was all about them, no one fought, they fed giraffes, it was perfect.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Day 5 - Your siblings
My siblings huh? They are crazy.
I've got two sisters - Andrea and Tiffany
Andrea is the oldest and Tiffany is just a few years younger than her... I'm the baby by a long shot.
Andrea is married to Bradley who has been my 'brother(in-law)' technically since I was 12, but has been a part of our family for as long as I can remember.
Tiffany lives far far away in Georgia... We don't get to see each other often but thanks to me popping out kids and getting hitched, she was back twice in 4 months! =)
We did a sisters trip to Kentucky once. We got lost in the ghetto because TomTom failed. Who the hell knew there was a ghetto in Kentucky?
I love em. I miss em.
Dre in the middle, TiffiePoo on the left and I'm the one in white!
I've got two sisters - Andrea and Tiffany
Andrea is the oldest and Tiffany is just a few years younger than her... I'm the baby by a long shot.
Andrea is married to Bradley who has been my 'brother(in-law)' technically since I was 12, but has been a part of our family for as long as I can remember.
Tiffany lives far far away in Georgia... We don't get to see each other often but thanks to me popping out kids and getting hitched, she was back twice in 4 months! =)
We did a sisters trip to Kentucky once. We got lost in the ghetto because TomTom failed. Who the hell knew there was a ghetto in Kentucky?
I love em. I miss em.
Dre in the middle, TiffiePoo on the left and I'm the one in white!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Day 4
Day 4-Your parents
Where do I begin? They have been married a lot of years... 33? 34? years... I can't remember.
They are amazing parents. They have always been there for me.
Encouraging me. Supporting me. Spoiling me. (Not every girl gets 'woo woo lights' (as the boys would say) for a wedding gift!!. =)
My Dad (Ken) has been a deputy sheriff since before I was born. Pretty much every night I'd have to make sure he had his vest on, and I used to sit at the big window and watch him take off with his lights going. It took my breath away. It still does. Mothers Day we went to brunch with my family, he was on call and got called to assist my county, watching him take off so fast, the sound of the engine, the lights - it brought back memories and makes my heart race just thinking of it! He and I always hung out when I was younger, fishing, camping, catching worms after it rained... Showing me how to hold the flashlight with my fingers kind of covering it so it didn't scare the worms. I love thinking about all the things we did together & love passing it all along to the boys and soon Emmy. (The one thats approaching soon... Hunter has a loose tooth. Dad always pulled mine out with hanky covered pliers. Gotta go buy some hankies.)
My Mom (Vicky) is my fun-sized mommy. I remember when she was working at a restaurant when I was all of 6 years old and she'd have to take me to work with her before school... She would sit me on top of the ice cream cooler and make me some extra syrupy pancakes. When my dad worked late on the weekends, we'd run to the store, stock up on junk food, pull out the hide-a-bed & pop in a movie. I don't ever remember staying awake until the end of a movie, but I remember cuddling up to her and just being so comfortable and feeling so safe. Then the Nintendo came along. We would sit and have marathons. The woman can kick anyones butt in Mario Kart. She is BRUTAL! But I love it!!
I love my mom and dad!!
Where do I begin? They have been married a lot of years... 33? 34? years... I can't remember.
They are amazing parents. They have always been there for me.
Encouraging me. Supporting me. Spoiling me. (Not every girl gets 'woo woo lights' (as the boys would say) for a wedding gift!!. =)
My Dad (Ken) has been a deputy sheriff since before I was born. Pretty much every night I'd have to make sure he had his vest on, and I used to sit at the big window and watch him take off with his lights going. It took my breath away. It still does. Mothers Day we went to brunch with my family, he was on call and got called to assist my county, watching him take off so fast, the sound of the engine, the lights - it brought back memories and makes my heart race just thinking of it! He and I always hung out when I was younger, fishing, camping, catching worms after it rained... Showing me how to hold the flashlight with my fingers kind of covering it so it didn't scare the worms. I love thinking about all the things we did together & love passing it all along to the boys and soon Emmy. (The one thats approaching soon... Hunter has a loose tooth. Dad always pulled mine out with hanky covered pliers. Gotta go buy some hankies.)
My Mom (Vicky) is my fun-sized mommy. I remember when she was working at a restaurant when I was all of 6 years old and she'd have to take me to work with her before school... She would sit me on top of the ice cream cooler and make me some extra syrupy pancakes. When my dad worked late on the weekends, we'd run to the store, stock up on junk food, pull out the hide-a-bed & pop in a movie. I don't ever remember staying awake until the end of a movie, but I remember cuddling up to her and just being so comfortable and feeling so safe. Then the Nintendo came along. We would sit and have marathons. The woman can kick anyones butt in Mario Kart. She is BRUTAL! But I love it!!
I love my mom and dad!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Heartbreaking
Sitting here watching "Born Schizophrenic: January's Story"
This 5 year old is hitting her parents uncontrollably, crying hysterically and trying to hurt herself, and keeps saying "Let me out Mommy, make it stop, I don't want to do this... I just want out"
I couldn't even imagine watching my child go through that. It makes me want to hug and kiss my babies.
This 5 year old is hitting her parents uncontrollably, crying hysterically and trying to hurt herself, and keeps saying "Let me out Mommy, make it stop, I don't want to do this... I just want out"
I couldn't even imagine watching my child go through that. It makes me want to hug and kiss my babies.
Day 3... My first love
This boy will always have a special place in my heart...
He is the first boy I remember having a crush on, the first boy I wanted to marry, the first boy that broke my heart when he fell in love with someone else...
Yes. Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid.
sigh. I always dreamt that was me.
Now I've got my own prince charming.
He is the first boy I remember having a crush on, the first boy I wanted to marry, the first boy that broke my heart when he fell in love with someone else...
Yes. Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid.
sigh. I always dreamt that was me.
Now I've got my own prince charming.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 2!
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
It is fairly easy... It is our name. This blog has had 3 names over the past year...
The Postel & Cecak House, The Yeomans & Cecak House and now it is at its final name...
But no one can pronounce it. My dad even waited until my wedding day to ask how to say it.
Cecak.
Chee-chauk... Kind of like Chee-chalk, minus the L
Not what you thought? It happens.
=)
It is fairly easy... It is our name. This blog has had 3 names over the past year...
The Postel & Cecak House, The Yeomans & Cecak House and now it is at its final name...
But no one can pronounce it. My dad even waited until my wedding day to ask how to say it.
Cecak.
Chee-chauk... Kind of like Chee-chalk, minus the L
Not what you thought? It happens.
=)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
It is a 30 day challenge!
-I found this over at Hydrantgirl's blog... Let's see if I can do this! It is 30 days of blogging, with a different pre-outlined topic everyday...
DAY 1... Introduce, recent picture and 15 interesting facts...
Hi! My name is Jessica, I'm a 23 year old mother of 3 and I just recently (last weekend!) married my best friend...
I love this picture... I sneezed two days later and cake came out of my nose. Gross, yes but oh so totally us.
Interesting facts... I suck at stuff like this!
1- When I was little, I couldn't pronounce my own name, I'd say Jeckala. My dad still calls me that sometimes.
2- I didn't want to get my drivers license. The only reason I did because my cousin was pregnant and I was on driver standby.
3- (My sisters love the next 3, they actually used them in their speech at my wedding) When I was 5 or 6, we were blowing bubbles at my grandparents house & I backed up to my mom and asked her to pull out my wedgie. I had priorities thank you.
4- Around that same time, we made a memory quilt for my grandparents. All of us were asked to hand over a t-shirt or some type of clothing to be put in the quilt. Mine? My most prized posession... My little mermaid underwear.
5- I was suspended for a week in 9th grade for flipping off one of my teachers. Oops.
6- I met Curt through work. He was a reserve police officer. He pulled me over. I called him an a**hole. Now we are married. =)
7- When I was 4 I knew the song 'She's in Love With The Boy' by Trisha Yearwood word for word.
8- I've been in/within a mile of 3 tornados. I used to love them and want to be a storm chaser. Now I'm deathly afraid of them.
9- I like to bake. I could sit and make cookies, brownies, pies, cakes whatever for hours.
10- I get mad when people leave their blinker on. If Curt and I are driving seperate and he needs to talk to me, he turns on his blinker. He knows that I will call him within a minute.
11- When I was little I grew my hair down to my tushie. In 5th grade I cut it all off. ALL off. My hair didn't even touch my ears.
12- I thought about a career as a weather-person on tv... The only thing that stopped me? I didn't want everyone to hate me because of the forecasts.
13- My parents and I went to visit my sisters for two weeks in Virginia when I was 15. I stayed for a month and almost moved there.
14- I'm alone and am scared out of my mind every 3rd night. When the boys were at their dads & before I had E, I would sleep with a gun next to my bed. Even now, it is never far away.
15- After two sons I didn't want a daughter. The thought scared me. Until I met Curt and we found out we were going to have one. Now I can't imagine life without my little princess.
Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture
DAY 1... Introduce, recent picture and 15 interesting facts...
Hi! My name is Jessica, I'm a 23 year old mother of 3 and I just recently (last weekend!) married my best friend...
I love this picture... I sneezed two days later and cake came out of my nose. Gross, yes but oh so totally us.
Interesting facts... I suck at stuff like this!
1- When I was little, I couldn't pronounce my own name, I'd say Jeckala. My dad still calls me that sometimes.
2- I didn't want to get my drivers license. The only reason I did because my cousin was pregnant and I was on driver standby.
3- (My sisters love the next 3, they actually used them in their speech at my wedding) When I was 5 or 6, we were blowing bubbles at my grandparents house & I backed up to my mom and asked her to pull out my wedgie. I had priorities thank you.
4- Around that same time, we made a memory quilt for my grandparents. All of us were asked to hand over a t-shirt or some type of clothing to be put in the quilt. Mine? My most prized posession... My little mermaid underwear.
5- I was suspended for a week in 9th grade for flipping off one of my teachers. Oops.
6- I met Curt through work. He was a reserve police officer. He pulled me over. I called him an a**hole. Now we are married. =)
7- When I was 4 I knew the song 'She's in Love With The Boy' by Trisha Yearwood word for word.
8- I've been in/within a mile of 3 tornados. I used to love them and want to be a storm chaser. Now I'm deathly afraid of them.
9- I like to bake. I could sit and make cookies, brownies, pies, cakes whatever for hours.
10- I get mad when people leave their blinker on. If Curt and I are driving seperate and he needs to talk to me, he turns on his blinker. He knows that I will call him within a minute.
11- When I was little I grew my hair down to my tushie. In 5th grade I cut it all off. ALL off. My hair didn't even touch my ears.
12- I thought about a career as a weather-person on tv... The only thing that stopped me? I didn't want everyone to hate me because of the forecasts.
13- My parents and I went to visit my sisters for two weeks in Virginia when I was 15. I stayed for a month and almost moved there.
14- I'm alone and am scared out of my mind every 3rd night. When the boys were at their dads & before I had E, I would sleep with a gun next to my bed. Even now, it is never far away.
15- After two sons I didn't want a daughter. The thought scared me. Until I met Curt and we found out we were going to have one. Now I can't imagine life without my little princess.
Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture
Sunday, October 17, 2010
New Beginnings
Curt and I decided to try something new...
I quit my job last week. We've been talking about it for quite awhile, but the timing was never right.
I feel so free!
I'm not as stressed as I was, I don't have to stay up until midnight anymore unless I WANT to, no more driving 60 miles a day, I get to be home with my kids at night & I get to see Curt more often.
You can tell there is a big difference in our house. Outside people even comment on it. Curt and I seem happier. The boys are happier. No one fights like they used to. Emily is a happier baby, she used to have hour long crying spells when I was gone. She hasn't had anything near that. My headaches are gone. I don't feel sick when the afternoon comes around. I want to get up and move around and not just lay around all day. I WANT to clean, it doesn't feel like such a chore anymore.
I think this will work out perfectly and that this is the best for everyone.
I quit my job last week. We've been talking about it for quite awhile, but the timing was never right.
I feel so free!
I'm not as stressed as I was, I don't have to stay up until midnight anymore unless I WANT to, no more driving 60 miles a day, I get to be home with my kids at night & I get to see Curt more often.
You can tell there is a big difference in our house. Outside people even comment on it. Curt and I seem happier. The boys are happier. No one fights like they used to. Emily is a happier baby, she used to have hour long crying spells when I was gone. She hasn't had anything near that. My headaches are gone. I don't feel sick when the afternoon comes around. I want to get up and move around and not just lay around all day. I WANT to clean, it doesn't feel like such a chore anymore.
I think this will work out perfectly and that this is the best for everyone.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sparkles
They are everywhere.
My veil.
The programs.
The centerpieces.
Everything has something sparkley on it.
LOVE IT.
----> FIVE DAYS LEFT <----
Holy crap.
I can't wait!
My veil.
The programs.
The centerpieces.
Everything has something sparkley on it.
LOVE IT.
----> FIVE DAYS LEFT <----
Holy crap.
I can't wait!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Yay Ian!
When did my 3 year old become such a big boy?
Yesterday I realized we were out of pull ups so I decided to try something...
Big boy underwear! He got to pick them out (Spiderman of course)... He was so excited!
He stayed dry all day. I was a little nervous for overnight. But when I woke him today...
DRY!!
YES!
I may just have another potty trained boy!
So PROUD of him!
Yesterday I realized we were out of pull ups so I decided to try something...
Big boy underwear! He got to pick them out (Spiderman of course)... He was so excited!
He stayed dry all day. I was a little nervous for overnight. But when I woke him today...
DRY!!
YES!
I may just have another potty trained boy!
So PROUD of him!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Random
I can't wait to get certain people out of my life and away from my family. These people are the poison in my life.
I can't wait for new beginnings.
I get married in 13 days.
Music has been my saftey shield lately. As always. More so lately.
I think its funny when people try to be your friend and then compare their lives to what they think yours to "find the truth". Nobody's business but ours. Thanks for playing though.
My life hours are draining every thing out of me.
I love our engagement photos.
The boys were in a parade yesterday. They loved it. It rained but it was fun!
I know you read this. Hope you enjoy what you see. I've moved on. Think its kinda funny you can't.
Winter is coming and I can't avoid it... I'm just hoping things will be just a little different this time around.
I can't wait for new beginnings.
I get married in 13 days.
Music has been my saftey shield lately. As always. More so lately.
I think its funny when people try to be your friend and then compare their lives to what they think yours to "find the truth". Nobody's business but ours. Thanks for playing though.
My life hours are draining every thing out of me.
I love our engagement photos.
The boys were in a parade yesterday. They loved it. It rained but it was fun!
I know you read this. Hope you enjoy what you see. I've moved on. Think its kinda funny you can't.
Winter is coming and I can't avoid it... I'm just hoping things will be just a little different this time around.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Make me better
As I sit here with Emily watching the Hawkeyes vs Arizona game, I listen to Curt gathering up his hunting stuff for the morning. Today was opening day of duck hunting, but he chose to stay with my sick self instead of go out. We spent all day together. Sleeping. Lunch. Just hanging around.
I needed it.
Tomorrow he is going to Minnesota to meet an idol of his. He's going hunting before he leaves and will be back after I'm at work, So I won't get to see him more than about a half hour tomorrow.
Monday he works.
Tuesday I've got my dress fitting and won't see him much.
I'm trying not to be selfish. But I want to be. I don't want him to go tomorrow, but I do. I want him to meet this person. I want him to have fun.
He is working two jobs to make things easier on me. To make things better for our family.
I hate being without him.
I don't want him to go to work. I want him to spend his days with ME.
I don't want to be selfish.
It is hard with the hours we work. When he gets home from being FF and goes to TBE I'm still asleep. When he gets home from TBE, I have to walk out the door to go to work. When I get home, we talk for 10 minutes, then pour ourselves into bed, crash and do it all over again the next day.
I want to be a better person. A better mother. A better wife.
I needed it.
Tomorrow he is going to Minnesota to meet an idol of his. He's going hunting before he leaves and will be back after I'm at work, So I won't get to see him more than about a half hour tomorrow.
Monday he works.
Tuesday I've got my dress fitting and won't see him much.
I'm trying not to be selfish. But I want to be. I don't want him to go tomorrow, but I do. I want him to meet this person. I want him to have fun.
He is working two jobs to make things easier on me. To make things better for our family.
I hate being without him.
I don't want him to go to work. I want him to spend his days with ME.
I don't want to be selfish.
It is hard with the hours we work. When he gets home from being FF and goes to TBE I'm still asleep. When he gets home from TBE, I have to walk out the door to go to work. When I get home, we talk for 10 minutes, then pour ourselves into bed, crash and do it all over again the next day.
I want to be a better person. A better mother. A better wife.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Living for less
I am vowing to myself that I am going to adapt a more frugal lifestyle.
Trying new money saving tips.
Making your own laundry detergent? Seems like a big money saver to me... Our family of 5 goes through a LOT of laundry. I found a site with a recipe for detergent that for one batch - supplies cost about $5 and does about 50 loads of laundry. One of the large Tide detergents is about $30 and does 96 loads. Even I can do the math on that one.
Making your own dog food? Not so much. For as much as my two dogs eat I'd be forever making dog food.
Using the dryer less. Lights off. Adjusting the thermostat. Drink more water. Making bread instead of buying it. That one is a double bonus... I love the smell of fresh baked bread & love making bread.
I'm loving some of the things I'm coming across! Some - not so much. Get rid of a car? Not feasible. Downsize our house? I don't think so.
Continuing on with this quest!!
Trying new money saving tips.
Making your own laundry detergent? Seems like a big money saver to me... Our family of 5 goes through a LOT of laundry. I found a site with a recipe for detergent that for one batch - supplies cost about $5 and does about 50 loads of laundry. One of the large Tide detergents is about $30 and does 96 loads. Even I can do the math on that one.
Making your own dog food? Not so much. For as much as my two dogs eat I'd be forever making dog food.
Using the dryer less. Lights off. Adjusting the thermostat. Drink more water. Making bread instead of buying it. That one is a double bonus... I love the smell of fresh baked bread & love making bread.
I'm loving some of the things I'm coming across! Some - not so much. Get rid of a car? Not feasible. Downsize our house? I don't think so.
Continuing on with this quest!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
31 days
There have been some big changes around here
Hunter started school... Ian is *GASP* potty trained... Emmy is just GROWING...
Curt started working a few hours a day at his friend's boat shop. He is loving it... I'm getting used to seeing him less. Hopefully that will chang soon.
We've been reminded that when something happens that is not according to what you thought was going to happen, that we have *great* family and *amazing* friends that rally and support us.
We are looking into some new directions with our lives... New opportunities and new adventures...
Wedding planning has TAKEN OFF! It kind of had to. Shortly after my last post with wedding frustrations Curt and I started talking. We discussed a lot of different options and ultimately decided to move the wedding date. Up. A year. It is next month. 31 days from today. People were right... It is all falling together perfectly. We've had a few hiccups but we are in steamroller mode and won't let anything or anyone bring us down.
I can't wait!
Hunter started school... Ian is *GASP* potty trained... Emmy is just GROWING...
Curt started working a few hours a day at his friend's boat shop. He is loving it... I'm getting used to seeing him less. Hopefully that will chang soon.
We've been reminded that when something happens that is not according to what you thought was going to happen, that we have *great* family and *amazing* friends that rally and support us.
We are looking into some new directions with our lives... New opportunities and new adventures...
Wedding planning has TAKEN OFF! It kind of had to. Shortly after my last post with wedding frustrations Curt and I started talking. We discussed a lot of different options and ultimately decided to move the wedding date. Up. A year. It is next month. 31 days from today. People were right... It is all falling together perfectly. We've had a few hiccups but we are in steamroller mode and won't let anything or anyone bring us down.
I can't wait!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Can't let it happen
I just read the fire departments letter in the paper...
As a firefighter's fiance it worries me that the city administration is not hiring more firefighters & is making them work short handed. Not to mention talk of a part volunteer department.
That compromises the safety of our firefighters AND the public. If you live in Marshalltown, call your council persons & tell them to keep our department a FULL TIME department!
http://www.timesrepublican.com/page/content.detail/id/527861.html
As a firefighter's fiance it worries me that the city administration is not hiring more firefighters & is making them work short handed. Not to mention talk of a part volunteer department.
That compromises the safety of our firefighters AND the public. If you live in Marshalltown, call your council persons & tell them to keep our department a FULL TIME department!
http://www.timesrepublican.com/page/content.detail/id/527861.html
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Time flies
This week Hunter started kindergarten...
Class every day... All day...
He was excited. Me? Not so much. I'm not ready to have him gone all day, in his big kid school. It was so quiet without him, Ian played quietly by himself and then curled up on the couch with Emily and I.
Another big milestone - he rides the bus everyday. I'm still not sure I'm okay with that... I worry for him on the bus. Granted - its the elementary bus... But there can be really mean kids. I never liked the bus... Too scary... I don't like letting someone else be in charge of the safety of my kiddo.
Hopefully it wont last forever.
I miss my babies.
Class every day... All day...
He was excited. Me? Not so much. I'm not ready to have him gone all day, in his big kid school. It was so quiet without him, Ian played quietly by himself and then curled up on the couch with Emily and I.
Another big milestone - he rides the bus everyday. I'm still not sure I'm okay with that... I worry for him on the bus. Granted - its the elementary bus... But there can be really mean kids. I never liked the bus... Too scary... I don't like letting someone else be in charge of the safety of my kiddo.
Hopefully it wont last forever.
I miss my babies.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
A wedding vs a WEDDING
When I got married the first time I was 17.
My parents had to sign a permission slip in order for me to get married.
I got married in a courthouse, by a judge I knew - I went to elementary school with his son, with 5 people in attendance.
I was 3 1/2 months pregnant, a junior in high school & didn't have the time or money for a bigger wedding.
When I got divorced and Curt and I started talking about a wedding I had the typical giddy "I get to have a giant wedding" thoughts.
I don't know anymore.
I can see walking down the aisle of a church on my dad's arm in a big ballgown dress with a couple hundred of our closest people watching...
I can also see walking down an aisle made of maybe 50 or less of our closest people, in a nature center overlooking a lake and timber... Geese walkin around in the background and all...
I don't know what I want. I don't know if I can make a big wedding happen. I don't know if I can make a little wedding happen. I suck at organization. I suck at planning things. Details aren't really my thing.
I've got 13 months to figure it out.
Craaaaaaap.
My parents had to sign a permission slip in order for me to get married.
I got married in a courthouse, by a judge I knew - I went to elementary school with his son, with 5 people in attendance.
I was 3 1/2 months pregnant, a junior in high school & didn't have the time or money for a bigger wedding.
When I got divorced and Curt and I started talking about a wedding I had the typical giddy "I get to have a giant wedding" thoughts.
I don't know anymore.
I can see walking down the aisle of a church on my dad's arm in a big ballgown dress with a couple hundred of our closest people watching...
I can also see walking down an aisle made of maybe 50 or less of our closest people, in a nature center overlooking a lake and timber... Geese walkin around in the background and all...
I don't know what I want. I don't know if I can make a big wedding happen. I don't know if I can make a little wedding happen. I suck at organization. I suck at planning things. Details aren't really my thing.
I've got 13 months to figure it out.
Craaaaaaap.
One day closer
It is one day closer to me going back to work
I am dreading it
I don't want to leave my baby. I don't remember it being this hard to leave the boys when I went to work.
Maybe it is because I know it is about 99% sure that Emmy is my last baby.
I don't want to miss anything. I love rocking her to sleep at night... Watching her stare at me as her eyes get heavier and she slowly drifts off to baby-dream land.
If there was anyway I could just quit and stay home I would.
OH. Plus - with Hunter being in school full time this year & the way our custody schedule is...
I'm only going to see him mornings before school & 2 nights a week every other week.
Depressing. He had better come visit me at work. A LOT.
I am dreading it
I don't want to leave my baby. I don't remember it being this hard to leave the boys when I went to work.
Maybe it is because I know it is about 99% sure that Emmy is my last baby.
I don't want to miss anything. I love rocking her to sleep at night... Watching her stare at me as her eyes get heavier and she slowly drifts off to baby-dream land.
If there was anyway I could just quit and stay home I would.
OH. Plus - with Hunter being in school full time this year & the way our custody schedule is...
I'm only going to see him mornings before school & 2 nights a week every other week.
Depressing. He had better come visit me at work. A LOT.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
UGH
Today sucks.
Our current cable provider is HORRIBLE, I can watch tv total of about 2 hours a day, never the SAME two hours in the day - without the cable going out and having all of our 400+ including movie channels not working. There is a nice little note on the channels that says "This channel will be available shortly". So far shortly is STILL going and we are at a hefty 3 1/2 weeks. So we called a different provider, got a great dealk (We thought) so they came today to hook it up. Mr. Hookupman is gone... and I still have our original shitty provider. We ordered one package, they wrote us down for a different and told me that it'd be an additional $99 up front and $10/month to get what we had originally ordered. I told Mr. Hookupman that we'd reschedule for a time that Curt would be home. Ugh.
Someone that was at my house this weekend was SO kind to reset our thermostat to 75 degrees. Our house is NOT to get warmer than 71. It is actually supposed to stay around 65. DOCTORS ORDERS. You ask doctors orders? YES. Because the warmer it is in the house, the HIGHER chance my newborn daughter has at losing her life to SIDS. I'm sorry if your chilly in my house. Get over it. It is MY house. NOT YOURS. If you don't like it, don't come here. I'd rather have my daughter living than you happy and warm. Buy a sweatshirt.
My cell phone... My life, my love, my "lovie"... is dead... My charger? Gone. Not in my house. I can't find the damn thing. Curt's charger? The fire department.
And throughout all this crap-hole of a day, I can't call my fiance because he is in training from 8-5. He gets like 45 second breaks so he asks whats going on, I get 7 words into the story and he is telling me he has to go.
I text him to tell him my phone was dead and to call the house if he needed anything. The neighbor comes over "Uh, Curt just called and said your router is unplugged or something, he can't call the house phone and you are supposed to call him." From WHAT!? MY SHOE PHONE??
AND IT ISN'T EVEN NOON.
Our current cable provider is HORRIBLE, I can watch tv total of about 2 hours a day, never the SAME two hours in the day - without the cable going out and having all of our 400+ including movie channels not working. There is a nice little note on the channels that says "This channel will be available shortly". So far shortly is STILL going and we are at a hefty 3 1/2 weeks. So we called a different provider, got a great dealk (We thought) so they came today to hook it up. Mr. Hookupman is gone... and I still have our original shitty provider. We ordered one package, they wrote us down for a different and told me that it'd be an additional $99 up front and $10/month to get what we had originally ordered. I told Mr. Hookupman that we'd reschedule for a time that Curt would be home. Ugh.
Someone that was at my house this weekend was SO kind to reset our thermostat to 75 degrees. Our house is NOT to get warmer than 71. It is actually supposed to stay around 65. DOCTORS ORDERS. You ask doctors orders? YES. Because the warmer it is in the house, the HIGHER chance my newborn daughter has at losing her life to SIDS. I'm sorry if your chilly in my house. Get over it. It is MY house. NOT YOURS. If you don't like it, don't come here. I'd rather have my daughter living than you happy and warm. Buy a sweatshirt.
My cell phone... My life, my love, my "lovie"... is dead... My charger? Gone. Not in my house. I can't find the damn thing. Curt's charger? The fire department.
And throughout all this crap-hole of a day, I can't call my fiance because he is in training from 8-5. He gets like 45 second breaks so he asks whats going on, I get 7 words into the story and he is telling me he has to go.
I text him to tell him my phone was dead and to call the house if he needed anything. The neighbor comes over "Uh, Curt just called and said your router is unplugged or something, he can't call the house phone and you are supposed to call him." From WHAT!? MY SHOE PHONE??
AND IT ISN'T EVEN NOON.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
WHEW!!
It has been a whirlwind of a few weeks!!
The name change - of me and the blog... The day before Emily arrived, my divorce was finalized... FINALLY... Back to my maiden name for awhile!
On the 4th, the boys had to go to urgent care... Both had strep throat and Ian had an ear infection... Now Hunter has an ear infection... It was a long 4 days while they were on their meds - they couldn't hold, kiss or even touch their new baby sister... It was so hard to watch them just stare at her. They blew her hundreds of hugs and kisses! They got their baby privilages back on Thursday so they were in Heaven holding her and loving on her!!!
Saturday we went to Grundy Center to watch the parade & go to my class reunion for awhile... Then down to a friends house for a bbq & fireworks... Had a great time!!!!
Curt had his first day back at work yesterday after another week vacation... It is so hard and different! Out of 28 days, he worked 2... I got used to having him home!!!!
Okay... So since he is out working on a boat and the munchkin is sleeping in her seat... I'm going to try to get some cleaning done!!
=)
The name change - of me and the blog... The day before Emily arrived, my divorce was finalized... FINALLY... Back to my maiden name for awhile!
On the 4th, the boys had to go to urgent care... Both had strep throat and Ian had an ear infection... Now Hunter has an ear infection... It was a long 4 days while they were on their meds - they couldn't hold, kiss or even touch their new baby sister... It was so hard to watch them just stare at her. They blew her hundreds of hugs and kisses! They got their baby privilages back on Thursday so they were in Heaven holding her and loving on her!!!
Saturday we went to Grundy Center to watch the parade & go to my class reunion for awhile... Then down to a friends house for a bbq & fireworks... Had a great time!!!!
Curt had his first day back at work yesterday after another week vacation... It is so hard and different! Out of 28 days, he worked 2... I got used to having him home!!!!
Okay... So since he is out working on a boat and the munchkin is sleeping in her seat... I'm going to try to get some cleaning done!!
=)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
6.27.07 Happy Birthday Punkin!
Happy 3rd Birthday to my little man Ian Tucker!!!
3 years ago my last baby came to me... Has it really been 3 years??
3 years ago my last baby came to me... Has it really been 3 years??
Emily Allison 6.25.10
She is perfect =)
8 pounds 8.4 ounces 21 1/4 inches long
It took awhile for her to make an appearance, 12 1/2 hours actually... But once I started pushing she decided that she wanted out NOW. The nurses told me to stop pushing so they could get the doctor... I quit pushing and was watching the nurses get things ready & started to feel munchkin moving, and the nurse turned around and FREAKED. After 8 minutes of pushing, a flurry of WONDERFUL & AWESOME nurses and the doctor making it just in time to finish delivering her...
We have our princess...
8 pounds 8.4 ounces 21 1/4 inches long
It took awhile for her to make an appearance, 12 1/2 hours actually... But once I started pushing she decided that she wanted out NOW. The nurses told me to stop pushing so they could get the doctor... I quit pushing and was watching the nurses get things ready & started to feel munchkin moving, and the nurse turned around and FREAKED. After 8 minutes of pushing, a flurry of WONDERFUL & AWESOME nurses and the doctor making it just in time to finish delivering her...
We have our princess...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow will be baby day!
Due to her lack of enthusiasm to come out on her own, the doctor scheduled an induction... I'm so excited to meet her & have the boys meet her!!!!
Due to her lack of enthusiasm to come out on her own, the doctor scheduled an induction... I'm so excited to meet her & have the boys meet her!!!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Relief is in sight...
Dilated to 1...
Doc says that we will possibly have an appointment next week...
But maybe not...
Any. Day. Now.
Hopefully sooner than later!!!
Doc says that we will possibly have an appointment next week...
But maybe not...
Any. Day. Now.
Hopefully sooner than later!!!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Music
My iPod sits on shuffle, no particular playlist, just going through all the songs on there... It is amazing how many of things songs relate to life, my life, our life... make memories rush back... For example...
Miranda Lambert - The House That Built me:
This song makes me want to desperately visit my childhood home... I want to sit in the tiny room that was mine when I was in elementary. Sit in the bigger room that overlooks the yard. Wander through the rooms. But I'm scared to. Scared it wont be the same. Wont smell the same. That I'll be devastated and disappointed that all those things that made it OUR HOUSE are gone.
The Ting Tings - Thats Not My Name:
This song just makes me laugh. Watching Curt 'sing' it for the first time, with a little dance... I love it!
Ciara - Oh
Little to no words... Just memories!
Aqua - Barbie Girl
Driving the 30 miles to take Hunter to school when the boys started singing this and LAUGHING hysterically!
The University of Iowa Marching Band - Iowa Fight Song
Going to the Iowa game at Kinnick with Curt, Chris & Sam last year... Hot. But FUN!
Ludwig van Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata
Going through a time period in my teenage years, couldn't sleep. Would put this song on repeat, listen to it about 8 times and sleep. It would still be playing when I woke up.
Shinedown - 45
Learning to play this on guitar. Harder than it looks!!
Johnny Cash - Jackson
I love this song. Singing it in the truck a few months ago and Curt entered his own lyrics... I couldn't stop laughing.
Thats just a couple out of a couple thousand. I love music. I love coming across a song I haven't heard in awhile, having a memory resurface and smiling...
Miranda Lambert - The House That Built me:
This song makes me want to desperately visit my childhood home... I want to sit in the tiny room that was mine when I was in elementary. Sit in the bigger room that overlooks the yard. Wander through the rooms. But I'm scared to. Scared it wont be the same. Wont smell the same. That I'll be devastated and disappointed that all those things that made it OUR HOUSE are gone.
The Ting Tings - Thats Not My Name:
This song just makes me laugh. Watching Curt 'sing' it for the first time, with a little dance... I love it!
Ciara - Oh
Little to no words... Just memories!
Aqua - Barbie Girl
Driving the 30 miles to take Hunter to school when the boys started singing this and LAUGHING hysterically!
The University of Iowa Marching Band - Iowa Fight Song
Going to the Iowa game at Kinnick with Curt, Chris & Sam last year... Hot. But FUN!
Ludwig van Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata
Going through a time period in my teenage years, couldn't sleep. Would put this song on repeat, listen to it about 8 times and sleep. It would still be playing when I woke up.
Shinedown - 45
Learning to play this on guitar. Harder than it looks!!
Johnny Cash - Jackson
I love this song. Singing it in the truck a few months ago and Curt entered his own lyrics... I couldn't stop laughing.
Thats just a couple out of a couple thousand. I love music. I love coming across a song I haven't heard in awhile, having a memory resurface and smiling...
Monday, May 31, 2010
Ramble
Oh the joys of being pregnant in the summer!
Swollen feet? Huge. Epic. Double some days triple their original size.
Contractions? Jaw dropping, knee shaking, can't talk or breathe intense.
Bathroom? My best friend. I watch my shower curtain more than my t.v. these days.
Sleep? Wonderful once I arrange my 5 pillows, 2 blankets, dog & wonderful fiance! =)
Pressure? Some days it feels like she is already half way out.
4-ish weeks until she gets here.
Curt finished painting her room this morning... We went and got the chair rail so all he has left is get that up & put her crib together, then her name letters up and everything is done! Her clothes are washed... Her bag is packed... Bottles have been cleaned and disinfected... I'm ready now!
We went out on the boat today... Oh so gorgeous!! Hit a underwater stump with the motor, no damage, just made me jump!! Looks like I got a little too much sun... Oh well! Just as well add sunburn to the preggo list!
Off to start making the list for stuff to take to the hospital!!!
Swollen feet? Huge. Epic. Double some days triple their original size.
Contractions? Jaw dropping, knee shaking, can't talk or breathe intense.
Bathroom? My best friend. I watch my shower curtain more than my t.v. these days.
Sleep? Wonderful once I arrange my 5 pillows, 2 blankets, dog & wonderful fiance! =)
Pressure? Some days it feels like she is already half way out.
4-ish weeks until she gets here.
Curt finished painting her room this morning... We went and got the chair rail so all he has left is get that up & put her crib together, then her name letters up and everything is done! Her clothes are washed... Her bag is packed... Bottles have been cleaned and disinfected... I'm ready now!
We went out on the boat today... Oh so gorgeous!! Hit a underwater stump with the motor, no damage, just made me jump!! Looks like I got a little too much sun... Oh well! Just as well add sunburn to the preggo list!
Off to start making the list for stuff to take to the hospital!!!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I don't know you... Yet I do
It is amazing how we get the places we do on the internet... Get bored one day, search blogs... Roam through peoples posts, go to their links, come across other blogs... Laugh... Learn... Follow blogs of people that you don't even know for whatever reason that suits you...
I follow a few different blogs, and through these I feel like I know these people. I feel like I struggle when they do, I laugh when they laugh and when something devestating happens, I cry too.
Most of the ones I follow have something to do with firefighting... I'm new to this life and love learning everything I can. To help educate me and to help me though this life I have as a fire fighters (soon to be) wife.
I never understood the "brotherhood". I never understood the connection that the wives have. I do now. And I don't even know these people.
My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of one of the blogs I follow, I read this evening on their blog that their baby passed away in his sleep a short week ago.
I read and I cried.
The post was short and simple, but full of emotion... My heart hurts for them.
I couldn't even imagine.
I follow a few different blogs, and through these I feel like I know these people. I feel like I struggle when they do, I laugh when they laugh and when something devestating happens, I cry too.
Most of the ones I follow have something to do with firefighting... I'm new to this life and love learning everything I can. To help educate me and to help me though this life I have as a fire fighters (soon to be) wife.
I never understood the "brotherhood". I never understood the connection that the wives have. I do now. And I don't even know these people.
My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of one of the blogs I follow, I read this evening on their blog that their baby passed away in his sleep a short week ago.
I read and I cried.
The post was short and simple, but full of emotion... My heart hurts for them.
I couldn't even imagine.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Down to the wire... Almost...
7 more weeks...
49 days until my daughter arrives. Daughter. Never thought I'd have one of those. I honestly didn't think I'd ever have anymore kids.
It seems so much different. I'm used to baby boys. I've had 2 of them. I know how they work. I know what makes them tick. A girl? No idea. I'm kinda lost on this one. But its okay, because I know how to take care of a baby & raise a child... But Curt and I can figure out the whole how to raise a GIRL together.
It is like she knows I'm talking about her. Must be wakie time... Nice shoulder to my hips... Knee to my belly button... She sure is a restless baby!! She loves when Curt talks to her... She just rolls and flips and gives him "kisses" he says. Sure as hell feels like a kick to me!! =)
Her bedroom is half done, Curt has to paint the other half of the room before I can get in there and get stuff organized. I can't wait to see her in it! There is so much pink in there its hilarious. Curt asked me what I'm going to do if she doesn't like pink. I told him she doesn't really have a choice until she is old enough to talk. She is stuck in pink dresses and purple outfits with bows in her hair until then.
I can't wait =)
49 days until my daughter arrives. Daughter. Never thought I'd have one of those. I honestly didn't think I'd ever have anymore kids.
It seems so much different. I'm used to baby boys. I've had 2 of them. I know how they work. I know what makes them tick. A girl? No idea. I'm kinda lost on this one. But its okay, because I know how to take care of a baby & raise a child... But Curt and I can figure out the whole how to raise a GIRL together.
It is like she knows I'm talking about her. Must be wakie time... Nice shoulder to my hips... Knee to my belly button... She sure is a restless baby!! She loves when Curt talks to her... She just rolls and flips and gives him "kisses" he says. Sure as hell feels like a kick to me!! =)
Her bedroom is half done, Curt has to paint the other half of the room before I can get in there and get stuff organized. I can't wait to see her in it! There is so much pink in there its hilarious. Curt asked me what I'm going to do if she doesn't like pink. I told him she doesn't really have a choice until she is old enough to talk. She is stuck in pink dresses and purple outfits with bows in her hair until then.
I can't wait =)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
reply to anonymous comment
I would just like to reply to the "anonymous" person who tried to post a comment on Jess' and my blog...If you don't like how our family is, either deal with how things are or don't look at this page. It's not meant to be seen by you or any other people who are just going to try to put neagativity and resentment into our lives. We, and the boys, are very happy and content with life as it is. They have not been harmed or affected in any negative way from our side of the situation. All four of us continue to lead very happy and eventful lives. We know who you are thanks to the wonderful process of elimination and intuitive thinking. Don't forget, everything can be traced on the internet by law enforcement from any state in the US, and we will file harassment charges if this continues.
Now, on to people who we actually care about their opinions of our lives...We got to see our new baby girl again today on an ultrasound. I think she's going to look like her mom...which means trouble for me as a dad. Also, we got her a new Hawkeye's outfit (thank God it's not Cyclones.. ;-) ...) The ultrasound tech said that she's 1 lb 13oz and about 8in long. She's growing and developing perfectly.
Also, Jess and I are starting to come up with wedding ideas. It's a little soon, but we're too excited to wait.
Anyway, just wanted to start learning how to post on here since I follow it too. I'm sure Jess will update again soon also.
Now, on to people who we actually care about their opinions of our lives...We got to see our new baby girl again today on an ultrasound. I think she's going to look like her mom...which means trouble for me as a dad. Also, we got her a new Hawkeye's outfit (thank God it's not Cyclones.. ;-) ...) The ultrasound tech said that she's 1 lb 13oz and about 8in long. She's growing and developing perfectly.
Also, Jess and I are starting to come up with wedding ideas. It's a little soon, but we're too excited to wait.
Anyway, just wanted to start learning how to post on here since I follow it too. I'm sure Jess will update again soon also.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Scared.
Many people wonder what their breaking point is. A few think they've reached it. I am pretty sure I've body slammed mine a few times. I'm stressed. Plain and simple. Last year was a whirlwind. This year will be one too. So will next year.
I've reached the point to where my panic attacks are coming back... Two in the last month. I was doing good for awhile, I found my peace and didn't have any. At all. Nothing could break me.
Maybe it is the stage of pregnancy I'm at. I can't get comfortable, I go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, it is hard to breathe, my feet swell up if I'm on them for an hour.
Work. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe it is the impending custody battle. I wake up with dreams that the boys' dad has fabricated lists to try to get custody away from me. Dreams where he refuses to let me bring them home. Where I can't see them. Talk to them.
I've kind of taken a slight hiatus in wedding planning... I haven't stopped, I'm just taking a break. The wedding is also producing dreams. Guests don't show up. Cake delievered still in the pans. We can't find the church. I'm scared that I'm to unorganized to pull a wedding off.
In 2009 I left everything I knew, my home, my husband, my stuff... Took the kids and moved back in with my parents in hopes and in search of a new life. A happy life. A life where I'm not scared. Not afraid to go home. Not afraid to be me. I filed for divorce. I met someone, fell head over heels in love, we moved in together, and we found out that we are pregnant.
In 2010... 3 months into this year... Curt proposed, we found out we are having a baby girl & we are preparing for a custody battle that we will win. My boys will be with me. All of the time. No more having to live without them a week at a time. This year will bring a new life into ours... A new career change possibly... A new life for us all.
2011 will bring a wedding and all that entails.
I need a vacation. A nap. Time to fill out a really big calender and planner.
I'm scared that I'm nearing my breaking point. I'm scared of the panic attacks. I'm scared that no matter how many times I tell myself that it will be okay, nothing will go right.
I'm scared.
I've reached the point to where my panic attacks are coming back... Two in the last month. I was doing good for awhile, I found my peace and didn't have any. At all. Nothing could break me.
Maybe it is the stage of pregnancy I'm at. I can't get comfortable, I go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, it is hard to breathe, my feet swell up if I'm on them for an hour.
Work. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe it is the impending custody battle. I wake up with dreams that the boys' dad has fabricated lists to try to get custody away from me. Dreams where he refuses to let me bring them home. Where I can't see them. Talk to them.
I've kind of taken a slight hiatus in wedding planning... I haven't stopped, I'm just taking a break. The wedding is also producing dreams. Guests don't show up. Cake delievered still in the pans. We can't find the church. I'm scared that I'm to unorganized to pull a wedding off.
In 2009 I left everything I knew, my home, my husband, my stuff... Took the kids and moved back in with my parents in hopes and in search of a new life. A happy life. A life where I'm not scared. Not afraid to go home. Not afraid to be me. I filed for divorce. I met someone, fell head over heels in love, we moved in together, and we found out that we are pregnant.
In 2010... 3 months into this year... Curt proposed, we found out we are having a baby girl & we are preparing for a custody battle that we will win. My boys will be with me. All of the time. No more having to live without them a week at a time. This year will bring a new life into ours... A new career change possibly... A new life for us all.
2011 will bring a wedding and all that entails.
I need a vacation. A nap. Time to fill out a really big calender and planner.
I'm scared that I'm nearing my breaking point. I'm scared of the panic attacks. I'm scared that no matter how many times I tell myself that it will be okay, nothing will go right.
I'm scared.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Instructed...
I've been a little lacking on posts lately... I apologize... I'd love to say it is because I'm so busy... But although we've been on the go alot lately, I just get lazy. And tired. I sleep a lot. I can fall back asleep about an hour after I wake up. I slept until almost noon twice this week. L.A.Z.Y. I love being pregnant, but wow, she is wiping all of my energy out.
We are slowly getting everything for her arrival... But I'm not feeling rushed on anything yet so I'll probably wait until the last minute for the majority!!
The past month or so Curt undertook a new project in the basement & decided to do some remodeling. We now have a bar... Air hockey table... Recliner that I will never ever give away because it is so amazingly comfortable!
The boys are doing great and growing like weeds... Hunter is nearing the end of his first year at school & he loved it. He has learned so much! Ian is getting so big, I can't believe he will be 3 this year! He has really opened up and talks all the time, not that he was ever quiet before!
We are enjoying watching the snow melt & getting so anxious to get outside! I'm ready to go out on the boat!! And just get some fresh air and feel some warmth! It was a cold winter!!!!!
Hope everyone is doing well and hopefully I will remember to update this more!!
We are slowly getting everything for her arrival... But I'm not feeling rushed on anything yet so I'll probably wait until the last minute for the majority!!
The past month or so Curt undertook a new project in the basement & decided to do some remodeling. We now have a bar... Air hockey table... Recliner that I will never ever give away because it is so amazingly comfortable!
The boys are doing great and growing like weeds... Hunter is nearing the end of his first year at school & he loved it. He has learned so much! Ian is getting so big, I can't believe he will be 3 this year! He has really opened up and talks all the time, not that he was ever quiet before!
We are enjoying watching the snow melt & getting so anxious to get outside! I'm ready to go out on the boat!! And just get some fresh air and feel some warmth! It was a cold winter!!!!!
Hope everyone is doing well and hopefully I will remember to update this more!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Ramblings...
I'm addicted to facebook. I love it. I love seeing what is on everyones mind. The jokes my prankster friends add. It makes it so much easier to keep in touch with everyone. I'll be the one constantly updating my facebook while in labor. Yeah. It is that bad.
I haven't been really highly motivated to do anything lately. The boys are with their dad this week so the house is eerily quiet. Curt is at work today, so that makes it worse.
I did however, sweep the floor. And move the baby clothes from one spot to another, they look better there. Until I can find a better spot. Or, until we actually clean her room.
Winter needs to be done. I'm tired of it. I hate being cold. I hate the bitter wind. I don't ever want to go outside when there is that white junk covering up my pretty green grass. I am craving fresh air. A warm breeze. The sun warming everything up. Blooming flowers. I want to be able to lay outside in shorts and a t shirt. Go out on the boat. Smell the fresh air through the open windows.
sigh.
I'm going to go bury my head in a pillow and dream about trees with green leaves... Grass with no snow... Sun.......
I haven't been really highly motivated to do anything lately. The boys are with their dad this week so the house is eerily quiet. Curt is at work today, so that makes it worse.
I did however, sweep the floor. And move the baby clothes from one spot to another, they look better there. Until I can find a better spot. Or, until we actually clean her room.
Winter needs to be done. I'm tired of it. I hate being cold. I hate the bitter wind. I don't ever want to go outside when there is that white junk covering up my pretty green grass. I am craving fresh air. A warm breeze. The sun warming everything up. Blooming flowers. I want to be able to lay outside in shorts and a t shirt. Go out on the boat. Smell the fresh air through the open windows.
sigh.
I'm going to go bury my head in a pillow and dream about trees with green leaves... Grass with no snow... Sun.......
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
And the baby is...?
Got to see our baby today...
Baby is perfectly healthy and doing great...
The once again moved our due date... Back to July...
Oh...
And it is a girl!!!!!!
Baby is perfectly healthy and doing great...
The once again moved our due date... Back to July...
Oh...
And it is a girl!!!!!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Really!?
I am not a big fan of snow. Unless its less than an inch, I hate it. Well yesterday it snowed. And snowed. And snowed. Today? It is supposed to snow. 10 inches by the time its all said and done. Not as bad as the 17 we had during the last big storm. That is what I get for living in Iowa!
Today was supposed to be doctors appointment day, complete with ultrasound and finding out if it is baby Emily or baby Brendon.
Not going to happen. Next Wednesday is our re-schedule. I am pretty sure that the unborn is causing this. Everytime it has been something less than wonderful with weather. Am I having Captain Planet? Miss or Mr I Control the Elements?
It does feel like this pregnancy is flying by. It helps that they moved my due date up a month! Hopefully June 12th is baby day!
Today was supposed to be doctors appointment day, complete with ultrasound and finding out if it is baby Emily or baby Brendon.
Not going to happen. Next Wednesday is our re-schedule. I am pretty sure that the unborn is causing this. Everytime it has been something less than wonderful with weather. Am I having Captain Planet? Miss or Mr I Control the Elements?
It does feel like this pregnancy is flying by. It helps that they moved my due date up a month! Hopefully June 12th is baby day!
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